10/5/00
Basketball 2000
Basketball is a boring game. Not as boring as baseball, granted, but I think there is
plenty of room for improvement. Here's what I would change:
- Raise the baskets - There is way too much slam-dunking in the NBA. Let's get those baskets up to 15 feet, or better yet,
five meters. (Go, Metric!) I'd like to see a slam dunk then!
- Leave the sweat - What's with the guys that run out and wipe up the sweat off the court? I say leave it there - in fact,
having a really sweaty guy on the team then becomes an advantage, as the opponents go slip sliding away.
- Allow robots - Since the end of the Cold War, our poor defense contractors have nothing to overcharge for. Let's have
them start working on robotic players. They have to be self-contained (no remote control), humaniform, and weigh at most three hundred pounds (or 150 kilos).
If the AI is too difficult, they could contain Little People to drive them - just think, this opens up the joy of basketball to a whole
new class of people!
- Genetic engineering - When those baskets are raised to five meters, it's going to take either some mighty tall players
or some incredibly high jumpers to be able to slam-dunk again. Both of these needs can be met through either an intensive breeding program
or by directly modifying the genes of future basketball players.
- Increase drug use - I've said it before and I'll say it again - remove the doping limits in sports. Just think of the
added excitement as players spontaneously combust or explode right before your eyes!
So, until these changes are enacted, I think I'll pass on basketball. Without four meter tall, three meter jumping, sucker footed, sweating inbred
mutant players facing a team of midget-driven high tech robots, what's the point?
You can respond to my ranting here.
He shoots, he rants!!!